It’s 8:00 AM. You wake up to the soothing sound of your phone screaming at you. “You slept 6 hours and 12 minutes. That’s 14% worse than last week. Also, your REM cycle was trash.” Thanks, mattress app. Love the emotional abuse.
You roll out of bed, step over your yoga mat (which hasn’t seen a downward dog since 2022), and open the fridge. There’s a green juice labeled “Focus Elixir.” It tastes like regret and lawn clippings. You drink it anyway because the label says “brain clarity,” and you’ve been trying to remember your Gmail password since March.
Now it’s time to be productive. You open your laptop. It immediately starts updating. You stare into the void. The void stares back. You check Slack. Someone sent a message at 2:17 AM that just says “pinging again on this.” You don’t know what “this” is. You don’t care. You close Slack and open Notion. Notion opens a page titled “2023 Goals.” You scream internally.
You decide to “ease into the day” by watching one video. Just one. It’s a 3-minute video about how to organize your digital life. Three hours later, you’ve watched 12 videos, downloaded a new productivity app, and signed up for a course called “Optimize Your Morning Like a Navy SEAL.” You’re now subscribed to five newsletters and still haven’t replied to that email from your accountant.
It’s noon. You haven’t done anything. You feel guilty. You open your to-do list. It says:
- Wake up ✅
- Drink juice ✅
- Spiral emotionally ❌
- Pretend to work ❌
- Cry in the shower ❌
You add “make new to-do list” to your to-do list. You check it off immediately. You feel powerful.
At 3 PM, you finally open the document you were supposed to finish last week. You write one sentence. You hate it. You delete it. You write another sentence. You hate that one too. You decide to “take a break” and go for a walk. You walk to the kitchen. You eat a cookie. You walk back. Break complete.
By 6 PM, you’ve done nothing, but you’ve read three articles about “time-blocking,” downloaded a Pomodoro timer, and watched a TED Talk about “finding your why.” You still don’t know your why. You barely know your Wi-Fi.
You close your laptop. You whisper, “Tomorrow will be different.” It won’t. But at least your WordPress theme looks amazing.
